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It was in 1996 that I got the urge to get on the road and shlep my wares. That was in the spring when I released the "Removals..., Other Isms" EP. Having driven up to Chicago to work on the film "Rock and Roll Punk," I figured I might as well play a few shows while I was at it. I drove back up later in the summer for the Milwaukee Irish Festival and to play a few more shows. Don't remember how many times I went out that year. Next year I kept a little better track of it all.....


At first, I didn't know if this was a tour diary or a spiel. It all started back in the summer of '97 when I drove up to Chicago to play a few shows and then continued to Milwaukee to work at the Irish Festival. At this point in my life I had been actively playing acoustic and traditional music for a helluva long time and had thrown my hat passionately into the Irish and Celtic rings. Couldn't get enough of it. Altan, De Danaan, Solas, Paddy O'Brian, Kevin Burke and Liz Carroll were the new heros—the REAL shit! After the obligatory bouts with Bluegrass, Cajun, Country, Klezmer (not to mention the Rock, Jazz, Trash, Punk, Junk, Noize and Blooze), I had ended up sitting in on Irish tune sessions all over the country at festivals and in pubs. When a group of folks in Austin decided to start the Austin Celtic Association in early '97 it was only natural that they "abducted" me onto the board of directors. They planned to stage an outdoor festival in October and I had all this sound and concert experience. Soooooo...

The festival date came and so did the rain. Buckets and fields and lakes of rain. At the last minute we pulled it indoors to an old cowboy dance hall and it worked! Shortly thereafter I was set to drive up to Bellingham, WA to attend the final "Garage Shock" but I didn't make it on account of getting sick. All the stress of being a festival organizer ran me down. Those things can really take a toll. Recovering in bed one day I got a phone call from Joe Carducci (the guy who not only turned SST Records into one of the most significant independent labels ever, but also wrote the book Rock & the Pop Narcotic, and was currently in the process of making his independent film company, Provisional, a notable concern). He asked very directly, "Is your record ready to be put out?" I answered, "Which one?" I had tons of stuff in the can. He told me how he and Bill Stevenson and the rest of the ALL/Descendents clan had decided to start their own independent label (called O&O with a sister label called Upland). How could I resist? Having DIY'd my Removals..., other isms EP the year before in the face of some trademark conflict—some stupid band was using my name!—I had lost enthusiasm for doing it myself yet again. A man has to know his limitations. They talked me into trekking up to their respective compounds—the Blasting Room in Ft. Collins, CO; Provisional in Laramie, WY—and set up some coffeehouse gigs for me in both places. Cool. And we would talk some serious face-to-face bizness.

The first gig was Friday night, Nov. 7 at the Subsonic Cafe in Ft. Collins. Yeah, my friends all said my car wouldn't make it, just like they said all the other times. Once again, the old Toyota, which now had over 200,000 miles on the engine, made it with flying colors. The Subsonic Cafe is a neat, house-style coffeehouse which also sells old vinyl and books. The downstairs basement is the smoking section as well as gig room. Greg, the guy who owns the place, is really friendly and accomodating and believes in having junk munchies on the menu. None of this upscale quiche mentality! I think that a good independent coffeehouse should be a place where you can go to escape PSS (Post-Starbucks Syndrome). The gig itself was really good. Nothing spectacular but a show that felt good with a good listening audience. Y'know, no one committing the "joke" of requesting songs by bands that I was never in. After the show I went back to Karl Alvarez' apartment where we drank brandy and complained about how "da music" and "da kids" suck these days. Old punks become grumpy old men... at best.

The next day (Saturday, Nov. 8) I drove up to Laramie, WY where the Carducci compound faces the railroad tracks of a town with a population of 28,000. There are fewer people in the entire state of Wyoming than there are in the city of Austin but there are still good reasons for oddball coffeehouses to exist. It's cold up in the Rockies and you can't spend all your time on the ranch or in a sports bar. The Provisional Cafe is a place where the owners, transplants from Chicago, still care about the Bulls but you're not likely to find the traditional Bulls fan hanging out there. The operating hours are decidedly out of kilter—3 pm to 7 am—and the coffee choices are magnificently limited—coffee or espresso... no lattes, no cappucino—but there are good sandwiches and the clientele is not disposed to yuppishness. If you want foo-foo you gotta go to the uppity place around the corner. The gig that night was OK but not as good as the previous one. And it was a kinda slow night. Oh well.

Monday morning my car wouldn't start; it was about 15 degrees so I wasn't surprised. Carducci drove us down to the Blasting Room. Let's face it, the ALL clan have a great studio, the kind I never really had the chance to work in, but it's definitely not something I covet these days—too much water, too many bridges. We went to Bill and Sarah's house and had a bizness meeting over a bonus breakfast (with jellybean dessert). Yeah, we got a lot done. Back at the Provisional compound I de-iced the Toyota and got it running (the plugs were fouled from a combination of the high altitude and low-octane fuels). I hit the road that night and late Wednesday I was home.

For most of the trip I avoided the interstates and that's the way to travel if you have the time. U. S. Highway 87 is a lot of fun and you never know what you'll find. My favorite was the gorgeous Uniroyal Gal (sister to the legendary Muffler Man) who stands in front of an automotive shop in La Mesa, TX (damn! I didn't have a camera!). She's a real doll, all 25 feet of her. And then there's the Underground Coffeehouse in Brady, TX. I saw it on the way up and made a point to stop there on the way down. It's a contradiction. An actual coffeehouse in a town of 6000—a stone house covered in Xmas lights, decorated with knick-knacks and movie posters from a Randy "Biscuit" Turner dream, with a full coffee bar, serious desserts, sandwiches, more junk munchies, run by an older "kicker-style" couple who know they're absolutely crazy for having such a business in such a town—right on the main thoroughfare a few blocks south of the town square. Wonderful. Not an ounce of yuppie sensibility here. I happened to drop in just before the weekly karaoke contest; tonight was the finals. I would have stayed for the performances but I was tired and wanted to get home before their fine coffee brew lost its effect on me. So there you have it, the Twilight Zone with karaoke! Gotta go back!

Back in Austin I played a few gigs with Crazy Jane & the Bishop, a band that does a wide variety of Celtic styles including French, Breton, Galician, as well as the usual Irish and Scottish stuff, and sat in with Mike Watt on his "Engine Room" tour stop in town, but mostly I wrestled with my own engine room by replacing both the heater core and the carburetor on the Toyota. The heater core was by far the most difficult job; it takes completely dismantling the interior and dashboard to get to it. A total pain in the ass that almost made me miss one of my gigs, but it had to be done.

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Less than a week later I'm on the road to Nashville. My first show was in Memphis. It sucked. The less said about it the better. Nashville was cool, though. Played at the Bluebird Cafe. About a year and a half ago I sent them a tape and they gave me a showcase on their "Songwriters' Sunday." Needless to say, I wasn't too enthused about it until a few local songwriting folks whom I respected set me straight by confirming that it was NOT just another open mike. The Bluebird is THE SONGWRITER VENUE! in Music City and Sunday night is when all the writers, publishers and other such honchos come down to hear what's new and hot. The place is usually packed and they take listening to songs very, very seriously. This audience shuts up and really pays attention to what you do. It's all professionals and promising amateurs and there are no excuses for a bad performance or bad song. I played immediately after the guy who wrote the old country classic "Red Necks, White Socks, and Blue Ribbon Beer." The Nashville Songwriters Association had been having a party celebrating their 30th Anniversary, so in such company I was a bit nervous but I was ready and people genuinely liked what I did. Later that night I met Roger Cook, the guy who not only wrote one of my all-time fave 60s pop hits—"You've Got Your Troubles" (1965, by The Fortunes)—but also wrote the infamous "I'd like to teach the world to sing..." Coca-Cola song. You can relate to that however you want. I'll forgive him for that one because he also sang a song that no one in Nashville will record. A brilliantly vicious croon called "Sliding Down the Razor Blade of Love". Ouch! It hurt! Cool dude!

Next show was in New Orleans at Checkpoint Charlie but I forgot that it was an open mike. I was the host (turned out my agent had told me but I forgot). Anyone who's ever hosted one of them knows how frustrating they usually are. Making the best of the situation, this one at least turned out to be lotsa fun, a lot of interesting characters, and when I finally got a chance to play at about 3:00 am there was a strange old bearded dude dancing around, beating on a bucket and howling. OK, so I was kinda drunk by that time too. Checkpoint Charlie is a pretty cool place in the French Quarter. It has a laundromat in the back room, a 24-hour bar and grill, I got propositioned by a hooker outside and the bartender, Andrea, who is totally cool, gave me a much needed couch to sleep on that night.

Next night was the last date of this leg of the tour—Houston at Rudyard's. Great show, good audience, Thanksgiving eve. It turned out a friend of mine (a member of a Celtic a cappella quartet called Nobody's Reel) lives directly around the corner from the club. Easy accomodations tonight, boyee! And home in time for 2 (count em! 2!) turkey din-dins! Life is good... except for leaving my flashlight in New Orleans and my "hat of acceptance" in Houston. Oh well, I'd get em back next trip which came after wrestling with many friends' sensibilities about being crazy to travel in December, and needing "to rent a 4-wheel drive" in Wisconsin, and "you're gonna need snow tires and chains," and "that little car won't make it." Yeah, right. I'm going to spend my life complaining about all the things I never did because I was too worried about those things that hadn't happened. And then maybe I'll get smart and drive an airbag utility tank... get a sellphone... get a pager... spend lots of money on insurance and communications... then I can do it... I can roll up the windows... turn on the oxygen machine... crank Phillip Glass on the stereo... slip into a silent, bloodless drive... pull out onto a genteel violence of a highway where the chicken doesn't stand a chance to cross the road... and I'll be free... free to see the world, protected, free of all blame, all responsibility to anyone, anything outside of my frame of metal and liability! I don't mind getting my hands dirty. If I have to walk a mile in the rain to settle my own destiny, so be it. If I have to set foot on the deck of the Titantic thinking that I might be able to make a difference... the world is filled with fools and I don't want to miss any of them.

So early in December, after replacing tie rod ends on the Toyota, I hit the bright morning road for Chicago. When I arrived, after making the obligatory stop at the Country Inn in Livingston, a good friend who used to work at one of my fave restaurants in Austin put me up at her apartment in Bucktown. The sad news was that Urbis Orbis, my fave Chi-town coffeehouse, would be closing down at the end of the month. Urbis would always be my first stop whenever arriving in town but, alas, that evil thing called gentrification had been festering along North Ave. and had finally infected their building as well. Sucks.

Next day it was up to Milwaukee to play at the Why Not II where earlier in the summer I had done a (believe it or not) poetry gig. This time I was playin' music for a buncha real loud pool players. Some people never shut up and when Geo the bartender gets on their case it only gets worse. At least they were good-natured hecklers... whatever the hell that means. Ironically, there was a guy there from the old punker days who swore I crashed on his couch some 15 years ago. Hmmmm. And there was also a guy I had met that August when I was up for Irish Fest. A really great tin whistle player, we met during a tune session at the Park East Hotel—a bunch of really hot players and this guy was pulling up tune after tune after tune and it went on like that for hours, the kind of major musical rush that I live for. Yeah! (And this was that silly night when members of Cherish the Ladies began reenacting scenes from "Lord of the Dance" in the hotel lobby to a howling audience who shared their irreverent sentiments. Some truly hilarious guerilla theater!) Maybe next time I played in Milwaukee he would join me in a few tunes! But the Why Not II is a cool bar with some interesting drunks and Geo does a magnificent job of insulting them back into reality.

The next night I did a poetry gig at Thai Joe's where I was the featured reader. Those things can be scary but fun. Sheila Spargur, whose apartment I was staying at, set it up as she had some other gigs for me in the past. Aside from being the "Poetry Godishka" she's a totally cool lounge singer too. She did her debut show at a small jazz club, The Jazz Estate, the next night with her pianist who played one of my favorite Gershwin tunes, "Promenade", that I hadn't heard in years. The bartender there mixed me some really different whiskey drinks, a nice change from "the usual". But that's Milwaukee... so many bars, so little time. And this was proving to be the whiskey tour but the best was yet to come.

Next night was Green Bay at the Concert Cafe. Packer fuckin' country! It wasn't a big show but it was one of those good ones with a great audience and some Point beer. Tasty stuff and cheap too! I played a long time and thought I played pretty damn good. An animated girl offered me her couch to sleep on and I accepted. Of course she lived about 25 miles south of town. Then it turned out it wasn't her house; she didn't even live in that area of the state; but her friends Lisa and Lenny, whose house it was, and who were also at the show, were very cool and didn't mind. So we drove and I wondered if it was another snipe hunt like Memphis was. No, thankfully it was real. But animated-girl kept me awake by playing Enya over and over on the stereo and always finding something to ask me right at that point when I was falling asleep. Cute kid, but... oh well... I couldn't be angry. When I finally passed out at 6:00 am I managed to get 2 hours of sleep before the phone rang and woke Lisa to learn that she had a much needed job that day. Lenny, a farmer, had already left the house and the rest of us would have to leave then as well. Lisa apologized, "...sorry, but.I really can't leave you all here." Oh well. At least she told me about Bublitz's, a classic American style restaurant further down I-94.

Back in Milwaukee I crashed for a few hours and then went on a car repair mission before driving to Madison. It was a small problem with my carburetor linkage that made the last night's drive a bit slow but it was something I easily fixed on the road with a paper clip (the parts cost me a whopping $3.00 at Western Auto). On the road to the capitol city it hit me how this kind of touring can numb at least one part of your sensibilities. Travelling alone there is no one to talk to (I don't count talking to myself); no foil to play your ideas, frustrations and dreams against. By this time I was sick of all my tapes and the radio had precious few good moments to offer—there is a point when the charm of all the cheesy rock and country and bible stations wears off. And when it does you find yourself travelling not in silence but within the mechanical roar of a trusty old car that refuses to let you feel too lonely with the romantic prospect of travelling around the country at Xmas time with all the lights and the fantasies of how warm it must be in that bright house way over there... or that one further in the distance in that white field. OK, so sometimes romantic notions both fuel me and fail me. It would be nice to tell someone how you don't really know how you feel at that moment but the only chance you have to do such a thing is onstage but you try not to because it's unlikely that noisy audience will understand what you're trying to say. So you hope for the best; you do your best; you trust that you've made a connection with someone; you're playing not only your music, you're playing the odds as well.

With the Madison show over—I headlined at Okayz Corral following two bands—I got a cup of coffee from Nicole the bartender, then we stood outside for a few minutes and talked about Mopars and Fords and our respective project cars, then we each climbed into our respective Toyotas and drove home. It was back to Milwaukee but I listened to the radio this time. And, though I wasn't that fatigued after a good show, the Toyota's 208,000 miles were murmuring that it was tired and it would like to get home soon. I could concur. This tour wasn't so bad, not so grueling, it was the solo driving that was starting to wear on me. I never once worried about the Toyota's road worthiness; it would go the distance. I was afraid of too many days off with no place to be.

So from Milwaukee I trekked south to a night off in Chicago and hit the city smack during Friday rush hour with a gas gauge hard at E(mpty) but I made it to Mike Wing's homestead in a perfectly timed arrival. One of his bands, Team Satan, was playing at the Beat Kitchen that night and they were shortly going to begin moving equipment over. I was invited to leave my keys and car and baggage behind and forget my concerns and party! Sure! Twist my arm! Mike works at the BK and I had played there back in August. The band had concocted a drink special for the night—the Team Satan Shot... a shot glass, drop in a cherry, stuff the rest of it with Jim Beam. It worked. I had many, and many beers to chase it, I didn't have to drive, I didn't even worry about missing the Mono Men at Empty Bottle. After the show a few of us wandered up to the famous Green Mill up on Broadway. In all my visits to the Windy City I had only driven past the place that everyone recommended I go to. Tonight the Hawk was biting hard and that was the coldest I had been on the whole trip. The GM is exactly that kind of bar that epitomizes everything classic from the Chicago gangster era—the style, the feel, the sleaze, the gilt and mirrored ambience, the escape hatch in the event of a raid. Quite a layout. Too bad it was an afterhours Friday clientele that we had to elbow our way through. In a word, some cigar-smokin nouveau loungers need to be shot. That would make the world sing in better harmony. Aw hell, it really wasn't so bad, but a man can always find something to complain about whether justified or not. We did, after all, get good seats at the bar and I did meet a really cute woman who, like me, was making her maiden voyage to the bar. And she offered me a ride home! But, darn, I was kinda already spoken for... and what I really needed was to go home and start sleeping off something I might regret in the morning. Yeah, good call. When I woke up I sure didn't know where I was til I recognized Mike's monkey art in the bathroom. Was I relieved!

Saturday I walked over to Musicians' Network, a cool music store on Clark, where, lo and behold!, the same Jazz Bass I wanted to buy in August was still hanging on the wall and it was still whispering sweet nothings to me when I played it. Hell, I whipped out the plastic cuz this time I knew I could pay it off, we made a deal, I walked outta the store with a new friend. That night I played what would prove to be my last show of the tour. At Lounge Ax—one of the coolest clubs in town and directly across the street from the Biograph, where John Dillenger was gunned down—I opened for the Subsonics. They were fuckin' great! They dug my set and I totally dug their's. Alex, the guitarist, was wearing tight glitter pants that just wouldn't stay up; Buffy, the drummer, plays in a totally oddball style that rocks and it turned out she's married to one of the Woggles who at that time were one of my fave bands; and Christie is an absolute cartoon character of a babe with matching sparkle P-Bass. Damn, one of the cutest bands I've seen in a long time! They were eager to hit the road but at least we bonded out on Lincoln Ave. A phone call confirmed that my next night's gig in Louisville had fallen through so I had another day off in Chi-town which would be a good thing.

So the Mono Men were playing their last ever shows that weekend with two nights at the Empty Bottle. I missed the Friday show but I sure wouldn't miss Saturday's. The Subsonics and I had opened for... uh... gee, I forget. Someone who used to be in Veruca Salt? Or was it... uh... someone else? Whoever it was I bid farewell to Mark who booked me and got myself across town to the Bottle where they had just quit taking cover at the door and I got to see Dave and the M. Men's last 45 minutes. I felt damn privileged and blessed. A coupla folks from my Madison show were there and one of them told me the story of how he had been released from jail the night I played there and he came directly to my show after being released from 3 months in jail. Wow! I felt genuinely honored. Just goes ta show ya something. But Mr. Crider was in magnificently drunken form and I put myself to the task of catching up to his state. Of course, that was a fun job.

After the show we all went to the magnificent Lakeview Lounge on North Broadway where they have hand-lettered signs on the wall warning "No Sleeping" and on the bathroom door "Only One Man at a Time". Yeah. A classy joint where one of the younger patrons immediately engaged me in a discussion of racism. At that point I was there by myself waiting for the crew from the E. Bottle to show up. But in the meantime there was the band playing behind the bar. A trio playing oldies, the guitarist played an old Jazzmaster that was entirely covered by rhinestones... on the headstock was a battery pack that powered the Xmas lights that outlined the body; the bassist looked a lot like Freddy Fender; the drummer was Travis Bickel from "Taxi Driver" complete with mohawk. When the M. Men entourage showed up we were treated to one of the coolest versions of "Malaguena" I've ever heard. The rhinestone guitar slinger was a good player, probably an ex-jazzer. And that's when the dancing started and some of us ended up atop the bar shakin' that thang. And this was only the beginning of the party. When closing time fell upon us and the band refused to play any more we were given the boot into the cold night and to the Diner Grille we went. Ahh, eggs, hashers, toast, coffee, Jim Beam in a bag, et al! This way to an addictive revellers breakfast... and sneaking sunrise... hehehehe.

And starting then next day, the next day, the next day... with more breakfast. This time with Mr. Wing and Laurie at Paulina's and then to a bar to play Cutthroat (pool) and drink. Oh well, at this point it was no longer a tour, really, it was a vacation. I found my way to the newly opened Fadó (a fancy-shmancy chain of Irish "Pubs"; I played shows regularly at the Fadó in Austin) where manager Michael Kenneally insisted I eat and have a few drinks on his tab. Bless your heart, Michael! Needless to say, the Irish music community takes care of its own. Fadó is a bit on the expensive side with an overwhelmingly yuppish clientele but, to their credit, the staff is usually salt-of-the-earth and worth the tipping. At Delilah's the Mono Men were playing their post-final-show show. A freebie. A great bar and whadda show! Go out in a blaze of, well... lotta dancing and more drinking, had some party munchies on the bar, and a cake. Yes, a cake whose candles were lit and blown out in the afterglow of that last loud chord and cymbal crash (sniff), the smoke spiralling into the air. And as things settled down and the cake was being cut I was talking to a friend, felt a tap tap on my shoulder, as I turned around I remember seeing Dave Crider's horn-rimmed glasses and gleeful smile as he stuffed a slice, frosting first, into my face and followed through with an expert smear-it-all-around motion. The judges gave 7-8-7-8-8 but no one cared about the scores then. It was swing, pass, smear, shake up the beer, get down tonight! and get down we did! The floor became the mess you'd imagine, bodies slipped down, James Brown was pumpin through the system, cake was in the hair, dancing was in the air, some of us once again ended up atop the bar. And maybe at this point I'm wise not to remember too much. When I drink, my "problem" is that I remember everything—no memory lapses allowed. That's either a blessing or a curse but I won't try to figure out which.

So I left Chicago the next afternoon, a warm, sunny, beautiful mid-December day—such an anachronism!—and headed down I-57 toward Mississippi. When I arrived in Starkville the next day my gig wasn't happening. Louisville had fallen through, I had decided to forego Nashville (which would have only been a slot on an open mike at the Bluebird), and now Easy Street had a problem which proved to be the downfall of the entire week. Simply, Xmas season and school vacation. In a college town like Starkville it translated into no business worth staying open for. Their whole week had been like that and no amount of optimism could give the owners any reason to stay open past 7:00 pm. They apologized profusely and fed me. I wasn't upset since I had some Celtic music friends just down the road in Jackson who had a gig that night and offered to let me sit in on a tune or two. Don Penzien is a great guy and his band Legacy is one of the best traditional Irish bands on the U.S. festival circuit, though this night he would be playing with another band of locals. We did whiskey, beer, Waffle House, and literally broke into the institution where he held the title of "Doctor." We both laughed at how easy it was on a supposedly high security complex. Needing only to get his e-mail he called it "the place where I pretend to work." Gee, these crazy, subversive Celtoids; let Sinn Fein win a few elections and they become giddy midnight locksmiths!

I made it down to New Orleans the next evening and heard my show included in the events listing on the radio as I drove in. That made me feel better after the previous non-gigs. So I pulled into the French Quarter and went directly to Checkpoint Charlie with plenty of time to do my laundry and watch South Park which, being the non-TV watcher I am, I had never seen before. Never even had heard about the show but Mr. Hanky made me see the light. One of the bar's regulars, a guy named Rob, remarked that I was living out the old Simon & Garfunkel song "Homeward Bound". Hmm, that idea seemed to hit home though I wasn't sitting in a railway station—a Toyota was probably cheaper these days. Over at the Mermaid Lounge, my last gig of the tour, it was very quiet and it stayed very quiet and, well, no one showed up. Patrick, one of the owners, was certain I hated them because of the non-attendance but I couldn't be upset about that because I knew the club had promoted the show. These things happen. The problem was widespread all over town; club owners were calling each other to confirm that it was that way all over. So we sat there and drank and told stories and solved either all of or none of the world's problems. I was impressed with our insight into the human condition and why that condition invented such things as whiskey, especially Jameson's. We could've commisserated on that forever but instead I headed to Andrea's apartment where I would once again make good use of the couch. Next day I recovered my lost flashlight and saw my first electronic baby. Later that night in Houston I retrieved my hat... and it's simple things like that for which I am grateful. Yep, things such as arriving home in the middle of the night—even if there's no one there to greet me—and sleeping in my own bed are big things in my book. At least I had a lunch hour gig at Fadó in the morning. It meant that I had to set the alarm and actually wake up but for once I was looking forward to it. After 8,000 miles I couldn't afford to get lazy and I had plenty of time to sleep later.


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